wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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