You just made me feel so damn special
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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