Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
