Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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