I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
