we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
