I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Randomize
