dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
