When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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