Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
