i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
