I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
