Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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