I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
