i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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