Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I use my feet as sexual weapons
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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