I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Randomize
