I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
