Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
