i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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