so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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