obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
