My Higher Power is John Stamos
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
