i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Text me some of your sweat
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