did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
