We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Everything about him screamed your future.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
