Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Actions speak louder than pants.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize