I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
