I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm bleeding and have questions
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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