that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
