We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
