My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
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