Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
