Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
