there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
