I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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