Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
