Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
