So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
