I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
