I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
