This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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