my room smells like sperm. sweet.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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