I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
