Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
