Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
