i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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