Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Vodka?
Forever.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
