I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize