in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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