i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
