Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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