Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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