So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
