awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
