I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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