I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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