Define "chronic" masturbator.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
