well you can't waste a boner
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize