C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
