What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
