It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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