I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
There are leaves in my underwear?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
