Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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