Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
