those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Houston, we have a squirter
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
