My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
