I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
