Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
